The Good the Bland and the Ugly……
I’ve been pondering over the last few days what I
might miss about Australia? What I cannot wait to experience back in Blighty
and what I might I have forgotten about after 7 years? and how might I feel
about that sudden recognition either good or indeed bad?
Well I can tell you what I won’t miss! I think expats
who never totally settle love to get these out on the table and compare their
tales of hopelessness and antiquation!
1) This one is
very close to my heart as I drive about 30ks to work every day…and back…
traffic is pretty universal unless you live in the bush, but appalling
driving and rude drivers is something I have never gotten used to.
Australian drivers basically do not look where they are going, don’t indicate,
don’t understand roundabouts…at all.., they cannot merge in traffic, never let
anyone in, don’t thank you when you let them in, and are generally very
unpleasant to be on the road with…. Despite returning to London where hopefully
I wont need a car in any case, I will not miss the roads…
2) Cockroaches… Do I need to expand on that
one? The giant red ones, the giant black ones the little German ones that eat
your books, the flying ones reminiscent of Harry Potter….. in a bad way.
3) Bouncers Look I'm the first to admit I’ve
never been a fan of bouncers. Basically they are over grown school bully's who
have the potential progression and enjoyment of your evening in their fat hairy
hands, but they are necessary for the safety of revellers are they not? Well
that doesn’t appear to be their role in Australia… In Oz their role appears to
be to stare into your eyes ask you what you’ve had, and then humiliate you in
front of your mates. You don’t have to say anything, BUT if you don’t they will
assume you are off your tits and send you home,,, A few times while here I have
been reprimanded for ‘sitting having a think‘….or ‘not talking or dancing‘….Oh
I could go on, but basically they ruin your night and I admit don’t respond
well to some overgrown 18 year old oaf telling me I look ‘a bit funny’ ( I
might do! but I’m not doing any harm, and I’m not even drinking) or stopping a
perfectly happy, stable, if merry, friend getting in….. awful.. and just one
example of how Australia creates jobs and roles for people where there really
is no need…..jobs for jobsworths…
4) Television How I have been reminded of this
in the last 48 hours as the Foxtel (cable) has been down. When I first come to
Australia I rely couldn’t see the point of watching UK TV and in any case in
the first 18 months in what too painful to even see London on the telly. I had
all sorts of ideas at that time, and it kind of makes me smile now. People talk
about integration and assimilation, well its not easy. I was determined to
throw myself into an Australian way of life, like on Neighbours…or similar. I
was going to be outdoors, possibly in the pool, with bouncer of course, there
wouldn’t be time for TV! But I do like my telly, so I tried to get into Bondi
Rescue, I do like that show, and all the American crap too… It just wasn’t
working. So after 18 months I got Foxtel and now watch the BBC, Corrie the
history channel… etc etc I also listen to the BBC radio in my car,,, via the
pod casts on my iphone. I wouldnt pass the cricket test!!!… The TV is horrible
I will continue my whinging Pom rant later....
