Adelaide

Adelaide, it really has been like visiting an old dear friend. None of the harshness of Sydney, literally a breath of (hot) fresh air! Fabulous to catch up with friends, real friends, people I hope I'll keep in touch with forever. Interestingly only one is
British, all others are Australian.

It's like being able to exhale... Being able to be yourself and other people understanding, and just knowing where you're coming from. I feel like I've been nourished this weekend! Ofcourse Adelaide is quiet, it's near impossible to get people out in the evenings, which is another reason last night was so special.

It's also been very timely to remember that time 7 years ago when I landed in Adelaide knowing nobody, really having no idea what the future held (who ever does?) in those days I had to go to the library to access emails and apply for jobs, North Terrace is beautiful, the city really is a stunner. Arriving in December I was soon to discover everything was pretty much shut until the end of January! It took three months to get a job, and here I am going back to probably the same, but of course not quite the same as I know how things work, it was a shock initially the system, or lack of it here.

I might have a wander to North Terrace again and see what's in at the museums, maybe the zoo.... Very pleasant indeed!

One Month to Go!! (gulp)

Coming to you today from Sydney Airport as I prepare to fly to Adelaide for the last time! (well for a good long while any way) flight delays give me a nice window for an overdue update!

OK... so yesterday it was officially one month till I fly out. the last few weeks have been very up and down in many ways. I had a week off work in which I managed to sort out loads of my stuff and work out exactly what I'm shipping.... only about 8 boxes plus some clothes and pictures.... Wow its liberating to free yourself of "stuff" I tell you!  

Also Leo had his Rabies jab, which I discovered is quite painful poor love! Still he's all set now, ready to go.

On the whole I still feel really positive about the move, I have had a few 4am moments when I've had moments of terror, but they really relate more to having no job or anywhere to live, understandable really, and experience tells me that eventually that will all be sorted. I'm lucky because I can stay with mum in the interim, I have a bit of cash to keep me going so I'm feeling ok about it at the moment. 

You know that point just before you go to the hairdressers where you decide that in fact your hair looks fine as it is??? and that a change might not be a positive one? what is that all about? anxiety of some sort I guess. Its a bit like that for me when I ponder on living in the UK again, Things that were weird to me when I got here seem normal now, so obviously the reverse will also be true, what was normal, taken for granted will now seem a bit weird.

I was watching an old episode of Graham Norton the other night. the actress Anna Friel was talking about living in LA. She said that at first all the cheerfulness and friendliness seemed false, but that after a while she decided that it was quite nice... I know exactly what she means, it used to be confusing to me how people in shops would ask "how I'm going?" but I'm used to it now, I quite like it.

In 7 years I've changed and I'm so I guess I feel that if I'm friendlier, more laid back, my experience of the UK and of London will be different. But if all else fails, I know I can adapt! 

Another thing I'm sure of is that I don't regret this experience. people have said to me, "so it hasn't worked out for you then?" Well the older I get the more I realise that life is in fact all about the journey, I just don't think I'm really one of those people who is going to find their place and just settle in. I've been extremely lucky to get the chance to live overseas on the other side of the world, my qualifications just happened to match what Australia was looking for in 2005, things are different now. 

What an experience to work in two different states and with people from all over the world, especially here in Sydney. To study for a masters with some of the top in  the field of therapy here too. If I'd stayed in the UK would I still be working for Portsmouth Social Services? Probably..... I'd probably have paid off most of my mortgage, have a good pension... but hell I could be dead tomorrow! and if I am Ill know I squeezed the pips out of life as best I could! 

So what am I hoping for in my new life? I want to go back to London because I left 20 years ago and part of me always regretted it. I had a relationship break up (notice a pattern here?!) so returned to Portsmouth, my default position! But I always wondered what it would be like to go back and be earning reasonable money, I was always a student or a low earner before, you know? so I could actually really enjoy the city. I have no definate plans of where Ill live because another one of my resolutions is no more than a 30 minute commute, maybe 45 if its very easy! The commuting here has finished me off.

Ideally I'd like a 3 day a week job, so that I can really work on building up my private practice in the UK, having practiced here for 2 years I've got good experience, but of course there'll be differences in the UK. Ill probably be sharing at first at least especially if I'm working part time till the practice takes off, that's ok my experience if sharing here in Sydney has been positive, I've quite enjoyed it.

I'm wondering how it will feel saying goodbye to Adelaide?  have to say that since moving to Sydney I haven't missed it, I miss the weather though! But I do have a big soft spot for a lovely town, and it is a town.....Adelaide was good to me and I'm thankful I landed there first! 

To be continued! :)

Square Pegitis......

Square Peg Round Hole......

People have been asking me lately, 'so are you still sure you doing the right thing?' They are usually very caring people who are just enquiring, but I have to say I have no doubts....

I've had a bit of time to think of late as on my birthday night out, the day after Australia day, I twisted my knee (ouch). Silly shoes... wet weather etc.... So due to lack of mobility I'm stuck at home though not actually sick...merely incapacitated.

Yesterday I had a bit of a moment, I had called a cab to get to the Doctors, it took two hours to arrive in a major city at 10am... I was waiting outside leaning on the wall... and by the time I'd missed my appointment, phoned the cab firm about 5 times...I was in floods of tears.... I thought I just hate this bloody country!!...but it wasn't that the cab was late, it was more feeling vulnerable.. and suddenly having the complete and total knowledge that I'm in the wrong place and how very very hard it is trying for 7 years to fit in and at what cost??

In the words of the lovely Hugh Jackman...'Who am I' ? I can barely bloody remember at times! What do I believe in? my whole sense of identity and has been challenged over and over here, but I don't blame Australia per se for this, I think its really a case of being the wrong woman in the wrong place.

Just the fact that there are very few people who would even understand what I'm talking about here! Expats are as obsessed with weather and beaches and 'isn't everything great'.....as the indigenous British love to moan about the weather and 'isn't everything shit'!..... and you cant be different, and I am different!

As I think I've said before, expat life in Adelaide was very different from expat life in Sydney. People in Adelaide tend to be on permanent visas from the skilled migration list, people with trades, nurses, social workers, OT's etc... In Sydney they tend to be sponsored by corporate organisations, and on temporary visas generally younger people without kids who aren't sure if they can or will stay. That's not to say Adelaide expats don't go back, they do, but they have slightly different motivations for coming, generally you don't move to Adelaide for your career. 

So In Adelaide I tried to fit in with the families, and here I've tried to fit in with the corporates, I wont say I've been totally unsuccessful, but of the friends I still have in Adelaide most are in social care....correction they all are!...some Aussie some British... and that wasn't planned its just how it is. I guess its a question of values and taste?... They are not threatened/confused... by me, they look forward to my company and visa versa...I don't feel like a spare part...just like most of the people I know and love in the UK....

So, summing up this current little crisis, if I could leave this afternoon I would! I don't expect or want my life to be perfect....I don't expect everyone to like me, or me them, but as human beings I think we all need to feel accepted and loved... most of the time anyway! Bring it on!

And on that note....

"The first step to getting what you want is having the courage to get rid of what you don't" Anon

Well, yet again I've been slack on the blogging front...but that is about to change!  Im now really on the countdown to my return...only 10/11 weeks to go...

Two things have been consuming my thoughts lately, one is how to totally declutter my life and just ship the absolute bare essentails back, I feel that the short term process will be painful, but that overall this will make for a far smoother transition. A good friend suggested the first step was to get an inventory done, so thats what I've started, I have several boxes under the house which at some point Ill have to dig out...

But when you think about it, why keep boxes of stuff under the house anyway...just in case??

This brings me to the 'Zen" of decluttering.... of our attachment to inanimate objects, our fear of losing our 'things' Also its the time of year when we are all reminded over here in Australia, that things don't really matter people do...Bushfire season is upon us.

Over my seven years here Ive heard  several people speak from the still smouldering rubble of their family home, things along the lines of  'we're all alive and that's what matters' it puts things right back into perspective. Whats difficult is when objects are imbued with emotion...(as lets face it everything in human life is.. when you scratch the surface....) photos, letters, Dads glasses, Grandmas coat..... these things are really hard to let go of, because people are hard to let go of....

Having said all that I have downloaded a couple of books to my new Kindle.... (yep, space saving at its coolest, pink case and all!) and Im reading about how to do it.... I'm looking forward to it, and finding it very interesting the feelings that are being unleashed in the process...

Kind of on the same note, Im wondering what Ill miss?  and that feeling is becoming more acute as the day approaches.... fear again is ruling the day at times, will I find myself trapped forever more in mums tiny living room, watching endless Downton Abbey...with the curtains drawn... (fades the furniture) Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! then I kind of shake myself out of it... give myself a kindly slap... 'snap out of it'!! 'Youve done it before you can do it again!......'  etc etc....

the other week I dreamt that they didnt have a seat for me on the plane and they made me sit all the way to London on a dining room chair...when I got there I was feeling angry and couldnt decide if I should go and complain and demand my money back or simply collect Leo and move on..... I think Ill move on....

I'd procrastinate.... but I cant be bothered.....

Hi Everyone, Im not the best blogger in the world am I?!  I dont know why, there are a million things running through my head at the moment and I must make more effort to get them on the screen!

So, it is exactly four months yesterday that I will fly out of Sydney to Heathrow, and in two weeks or so on 15th Dec it will be 7 years since I landed in Oz. I have to say that I have no feelings of dread or worry associated with the return, Im only excited and really loking forward to it, I am prepared that it wont all be easy, this is part of the reason Im leaving on 21st March, first day of spring in UK, to give myself plenty of daylight to settle in!

Weather, you see,  is the main reason people quote as the big draw towards living on the other side of the planet. For me weather wasnt an issue, BUT I must say daylight is, having said that homesickness is a funny thing, I find myself longing for chilly dark evenings and looking forward to getting a proper winter coat.
There are major downsides to Aussie weather in any case. I lived in Adelaide for three and a half  years. South Australia is basically a desert, in the summer it can be 46 degrees for a week and you are unable to leave the house, even Air Con doesnt help. then theres the floods, hurricanes Tornadoes Bush fires... In the UK weather is gnereally mild, generally friendly all year round... So Im ok with that, and ofcourse theyll be cheap weeks on the Costa Brava for when I want a bit of sun and Sangria.... God I miss Europe.

One thing that is concerning me a tiny bit is returning to the land of having a good moan. Dont get me wrong Im a whinger, and thats fine, but I have got used to the Aussie 'How you going?' 'Good thanks!' meaningless maybe, but once you get used to it, and most importantly realise they dont actually care how 'you are going' its pleasant!

On my last trip back to the UK my mum commented on my cheery 'Hello!!! how you going?!' to sometimes perplexed cab drivers... they usually respond well...I think Ill try and keep that up as long as I can.... it may cause a kerfuffle in Tescos....

None of this offsets the traffic lights though....I cant wait to see the back of those!!! :)

The Good the Bland and the Ugly……

I’ve been pondering over the last few days what I might miss about Australia? What I cannot wait to experience back in Blighty and what I might I have forgotten about after 7 years? and how might I feel about that sudden recognition either good or indeed bad?

Well I can tell you what I won’t miss! I think expats who never totally settle love to get these out on the table and compare their tales of hopelessness and antiquation!

1) This one  is very close to my heart as I drive about 30ks to work every day…and back… traffic is pretty universal unless you live in the bush, but appalling driving and rude drivers is something I have never gotten used to. Australian drivers basically do not look where they are going, don’t indicate, don’t understand roundabouts…at all.., they cannot merge in traffic, never let anyone in, don’t thank you when you let them in, and are generally very unpleasant to be on the road with…. Despite returning to London where hopefully I wont need a car in any case, I will not miss the roads…

2) Cockroaches… Do I need to expand on that one? The giant red ones, the giant black ones the little German ones that eat your books, the flying ones reminiscent of Harry Potter….. in a bad way.

3) Bouncers Look I'm the first to admit I’ve never been a fan of bouncers. Basically they are over grown school bully's who have the potential progression and enjoyment of your evening in their fat hairy hands, but they are necessary for the safety of revellers are they not? Well that doesn’t appear to be their role in Australia… In Oz their role appears to be to stare into your eyes ask you what you’ve had, and then humiliate you in front of your mates. You don’t have to say anything, BUT if you don’t they will assume you are off your tits and send you home,,, A few times while here I have been reprimanded for ‘sitting having a think‘….or ‘not talking or dancing‘….Oh I could go on, but basically they ruin your night and I admit don’t respond well to some overgrown 18 year old oaf telling me I look ‘a bit funny’ ( I might do! but I’m not doing any harm, and I’m not even drinking) or stopping a perfectly happy, stable, if merry, friend getting in….. awful.. and just one example of how Australia creates jobs and roles for people where there really is no need…..jobs for jobsworths…

4) Television How I have been reminded of this in the last 48 hours as the Foxtel (cable) has been down. When I first come to Australia I rely couldn’t see the point of watching UK TV and in any case in the first 18 months in what too painful to even see London on the telly. I had all sorts of ideas at that time, and it kind of makes me smile now. People talk about integration and assimilation, well its not easy. I was determined to throw myself into an Australian way of life, like on Neighbours…or similar. I was going to be outdoors, possibly in the pool, with bouncer of course, there wouldn’t be time for TV! But I do like my telly, so I tried to get into Bondi Rescue, I do like that show, and all the American crap too… It just wasn’t working. So after 18 months I got Foxtel and now watch the BBC, Corrie the history channel… etc etc I also listen to the BBC radio in my car,,, via the pod casts on my iphone. I wouldnt pass the cricket test!!!… The TV is horrible

I will continue my whinging Pom rant later....