Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Square Pegitis......

Square Peg Round Hole......

People have been asking me lately, 'so are you still sure you doing the right thing?' They are usually very caring people who are just enquiring, but I have to say I have no doubts....

I've had a bit of time to think of late as on my birthday night out, the day after Australia day, I twisted my knee (ouch). Silly shoes... wet weather etc.... So due to lack of mobility I'm stuck at home though not actually sick...merely incapacitated.

Yesterday I had a bit of a moment, I had called a cab to get to the Doctors, it took two hours to arrive in a major city at 10am... I was waiting outside leaning on the wall... and by the time I'd missed my appointment, phoned the cab firm about 5 times...I was in floods of tears.... I thought I just hate this bloody country!!...but it wasn't that the cab was late, it was more feeling vulnerable.. and suddenly having the complete and total knowledge that I'm in the wrong place and how very very hard it is trying for 7 years to fit in and at what cost??

In the words of the lovely Hugh Jackman...'Who am I' ? I can barely bloody remember at times! What do I believe in? my whole sense of identity and has been challenged over and over here, but I don't blame Australia per se for this, I think its really a case of being the wrong woman in the wrong place.

Just the fact that there are very few people who would even understand what I'm talking about here! Expats are as obsessed with weather and beaches and 'isn't everything great' the indigenous British love to moan about the weather and 'isn't everything shit'!..... and you cant be different, and I am different!

As I think I've said before, expat life in Adelaide was very different from expat life in Sydney. People in Adelaide tend to be on permanent visas from the skilled migration list, people with trades, nurses, social workers, OT's etc... In Sydney they tend to be sponsored by corporate organisations, and on temporary visas generally younger people without kids who aren't sure if they can or will stay. That's not to say Adelaide expats don't go back, they do, but they have slightly different motivations for coming, generally you don't move to Adelaide for your career. 

So In Adelaide I tried to fit in with the families, and here I've tried to fit in with the corporates, I wont say I've been totally unsuccessful, but of the friends I still have in Adelaide most are in social care....correction they all are!...some Aussie some British... and that wasn't planned its just how it is. I guess its a question of values and taste?... They are not threatened/confused... by me, they look forward to my company and visa versa...I don't feel like a spare part...just like most of the people I know and love in the UK....

So, summing up this current little crisis, if I could leave this afternoon I would! I don't expect or want my life to be perfect....I don't expect everyone to like me, or me them, but as human beings I think we all need to feel accepted and loved... most of the time anyway! Bring it on!

No comments:

Post a Comment